Like a kid in a candy store...

One of my favorite post halloween events has been to lie on the floor with my kids and empty out the bucket of candy we collect as Haunted House admission. I must admit to still having retained my almost childlike fondness for candy, and what ends up in that collection bucket tells an interesing story about the people who visited us the night before. Amongst the more traditional Snickers bars, KitKats, and M&M's are usually a handful of peculiar morsels that inspire the imagination and generate some questions. Here are this year's top 7:
#7: Chewy Atomic FireBalls (Oh, the fond chilhood memories I have of the game we used to play where we would see who could keep the fire ball in their mouths the longest without taking them out- a true childhood right of passage into manhood).
#6: Limited Edition Reese's CRUNCHY peanut butter cups. (As if the taste of pure peanut butter mixed with sugar and covered in chocolate wasn't enough, they added whole peanuts to the concoction. What might have possessed the previous owner to let go of this delectable morsel I can't fathom, but I can tell you I'll be looking forward to trying this one).
#5: Assorted gummy body parts (Nose, eye, and miniature foot, someone truly after my own heart. Although the Halloween themed candy generaly tends to taste like it was made in one of my sweaty socks, they are still truly a feast for the eyes).
#4: Assorted Mystery Morsels. (Completely unmarked hard candies in clear plastic wrappers of variable sizes, colors, and flavors. It's like the life-is-like-a-box-of-chocolates cliche made so recently famous by Tom Hanks as Forest Gump, only you kinda do still know what you're getting with the chocolate- only the inside filling was the mystery. These little nuggets are an enigma inside and out, and the only way to bust the mystery is to pop one in your yap. Will it be wild cherry flavor or wild salmon? I'll save these for days when I'm feeling particulary adventurous and randy).
#3: Assorted unwrapped candy. (Ok, so the sign said price of admission 3 pieces of candy or 1 full sized candy bar. What I didn't anticipate is that some of my more miserly patrons would actually open a bag of Skittles or M&M's and literally drop 3 single candies in the bucket. I guess, technically, that qualifies as admission based on what the sign said, but it sure was a pain separating all those free-spirited mavericks from the rest of the booty before the ants could find them. C'mon people, you got it for free! 3 pieces of candy is what most of you get from 1 house trick or treating, not to mention we give the exact same back to you when you trick or treat at our place. I know the economy is in the toilet, and many of us are worried about the future, but hook a brother up).
#2: Snickers Limited Edition CHARGED Candy Bar (This thing stood out right away in its snazzy metallic silver and red package with the graphic design of a rhino head bursting through the package with designs all around the head as if to present the image of a mighty collision, kinda like the cheesey cut away image they would show in the old Bat Man shows- POW! WHAM! KA-BOOM! What really got me was the caption beneath that shows the special ingredients that make this bar different: Caffeine, Taurine, B-Vitamins. Are you serious? Was someone actually handing kids extra caffeinated candy bars? The impact this would have on some children would probably have certain parent wishing the givers had done something less lethal, like inserting a needle or a razor blade in their offerings! And Taurine? What is that? Is that something edible, or is that something grandpa picked up in one of those foriegn "massage" parlors during the war?)
#1: Snack Sized Package of Chicken Flavored crackers. (Yes, at first when I noticed this mysterious treasure in its crinkly yellow-orange bag covered with Chinese writing with a child like caricature of an egg shaped chicken looking up at me, I thought someone had donated a travel sized package of Top Ramen. I had a college flash back to the days when my diet consisted primarily of cup o' noodles, Taco Bell, and beer. Upon further inspection I realized with only moderate disappointment they were crackers. I'll have to be liquored up for sure before I take a nibble out of one of these poultry flavored bad boys. I'd almost rather eat the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle before drinking the tequila.)
So thank you Halloween rebels who still know how to blend a little trick with your treats, and thank you non appreciators who left these oddball offerings at my home for me to enjoy.